Tolkiens Arda – Sveriges stora Tolkienforum

Letat lite men inte hittat nån historietråd.
Låt mig få starta med en liten fräckis (om det är ok?)

Den är inte så farlig...



En jägare sitter på en bar i vilda västern och skryter om att han kan säga vilket
djur det är och vilket vapen som använts bara genom att känna på pälsen.

- Lägg fram ett skinn, så ska jag blunda o känna o säga vad det är, säger jägaren.
Har jag rätt så bjuder ni mig på öl. Ok?

- Ok, säger bartendern, och lägger fram ett skinn.

- Älg. Skjuten med Winchester -38, säger jägaren.
Rätt! Han får en öl.

Nästa skinn läggs fram på baren.

- Bisonoxe. Skjuten med pilbåge.
Rätt igen! Han får en öl till.

Nästa skinn.

- Hare. Skjuten med revolver.
Rätt igen! Och ännu en öl ställs fram.

O så här fortsätter det en bra stund tills alla skinnen är genomgångna.
Vid det laget är jägaren ganska packad, så han tar och ger sig iväg hemåt.

Morgonen efter vaknar han med en tuff huvudvärk, tar sig upp o tittar sig i spegeln.
- En blåtira? Men jag slogs väl inte igår kväll?

- Nä, säger han fru. Det var jag som gav dig den i natt!
- Varför då?

- Jo du, det ska jag berätta, säger hustrun.
När du kom hem o lade dig i sängen i natt, tog du mig mellan benen o sa:
Skunk. Klyven med en yxa!

Vet du varför kasperdockan ser så sammanbiten ut?
Det hade du också gjort med en näve i röven!

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"

Hehehehehehe

Hittade det här på internet;

Why did the chicken cross the road? – Tolkien version

Gandalf: It was all he could do, in the time that was given to him.

Faramir: That he should go despite the traffic, to make his father think the better of him.

Gimli: The chicken-laddie went so that the prissy elf-chicken wouldn’t beat him to it. Aye! Now where’s the malt beer?

Legolas: Just because he looked so damn fine doing it, with his blond chicken feathers.

Denethor: It didn’t – this chicken would never bow to the instructions of the chicken-upstart from across the street!

Boromir: All he asked for was the strength to help defend his chicken-people, dammit!

Eowyn: A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of laying eggs has gone beyond recall or desire.

Sauron: Because he would have dominion over all chicken life, even unto the ending of the flock.

Aragorn: Riddled with doubt though he was, unwilling to cross that road, he did under the enormous pressure of saving the free chickens of Middle-Earth, and took up his rightful place in the Fowl-Firmament of his Forbears.

Merry: He wanted to distinguish himself from the other chickens to moviegoers who had a hard time telling all those damn chickens apart.

Pippin: He’d been smoking too much Southfarthing Leaf.

Sam: I can’t carry the chicken, Mr. Frodo, but I can carry you!

Mouth of Sauron: I am the Mouth of Sauron.

Saruman: Because he was the wisest and tallest of the chickens, and he declared that there should be no dawn for worms. To Pecking!

Arwen: Because he chose a mortal life. Although he wept copiously the whole time doing so.

Elrond: It was time for him to become who he was born to be.

Uruk-hai: Arrrrggghhhhhh!

Treebeard: To find the Chick-lettes.

Witch-King: Because, fool! No car may run over me!

Galadriel: Because this task was appointed to this chicken alone, and if he cannot find a way, no chicken can.

Theoden: Grima told him so.

Grima: I told him to do it.

Frodo: I am here at the end of the road. But I do not now choose to cross it – the Road is mine!

Gollum: The road is mine, my Precious, mine!

Eomer: Don’t know. I’m more brawn than brain. And I could really use a good cut and a deep conditioner.

Haldir: We are proud to fight alongside chickens once more.

Haha

Witch-King var bäst

Bäst!

Jag tyckte att den var lite för filminspirerad.

Tydligast är det på Gimli och Legolas; de riktiga karaktärerna har ingen med det som drivs med att göra.

Och Haldirs kommentar är ju också sådan.

Den rä förmodligen tänkt att vara bara för filmerna.

Visste inte var jag skulle posta detta.. Blev skiträdd när jag såg den.. hehe